But you really need to ask yourself what the problem is.  Of course, you will argue.  It gets VERY stressful, and that's normal.  It builds up, and comes out in horrible ways.

But you also need to realize that sometimes you ahve other commitments.  You should NEVER throw away opportunities because of a relationship that you can't guarantee will work... or otherwise, a relationship that SHOULD be strong enough to get you through this time.

Maybe it's just me, but three months... it's long.  But it's ALSO not forever.  He IS coming back, you CAN continue back how you were... There's no fear of not being able to be together for a long time... because it's really only like a vacation.  So why are you worried?  What scares you so much?  Do you trust your boyfriend?  If you love him, you HAVE to trust him.

Likewise, when in a relationship, you HAVE to maintain your sense of self and independence.  I used to self-harm, and my boyfriend got me to stop.  But I also realized that it HAS to be for me.  If my boyfriend leaves me, if we break up in the most horrible of ways, I CAN'T go back to cutting for ME.  It hurt me AND it hurt my boyfriend too... I don't want it to come back and hurt me more, nor do I want it to hurt anyone in the future that will care about me (family, friends, etc).  You need to find a reason not to cut... think of how your boyfriend would feel if he found out?  And think of how you would feel if you did it?  It's NOT the path you should go back down... right?

I can't help you decide how to feel, and I can't make the pain go away.  My boyfriend and I almost broke up many times... but in our case, we didn't know whether or not we could be together any time soon.  Yours is only for summer, and then he's coming back, right?

Likewise, I think you really need to talk to him.  When you get a chance, just message him, tell him that this is really hard for you, and that you know it must put a lot of stress on him.  Remind each other that there's a REASON that you're still together, despite all this stress.  You wouldn't be if you didn't think it was worth it, right?  Talk to him, and he can better than anyone else help ease your mind a bit.  It may still be scary, but you have to have CONFIDENCE in your relationship, and confidence in your feelings for him, and his feelings for you.  If you have that, then you can make it through.  Some days, that confidence will feel broken, but you just have to build it back up and remember WHY it's so worth it :).

I wish there was more I could say... but really?  Long distance makes or breaks a relationship.  I think that if you do make it through this, your relationship will only get stronger.  Remember, you can ONLY rely on trust at this point, and that's a key part of any relationship :)  Build on that trust, and make something even stronger than you though you could have before :).

Best of luck, alright?  Feel free to chat with me at any time.  The 3 months seems long, but trust me, it will pass :).

Posted at 5:08 pm on July 3, 2008

It sounds like you and your boyfriend love each other so much. And I know at times, it gets really hard and you miss him so much. Maybe you could try other ways of expressing your feelings for him. Write him letters, start a scrapbook. Do something that will relieve some of the emotions that you are feeing in a positive way. You could even pick up a new hobby this summer to keep you occupied when times get rough.

I know this is late, and the next day, but I wanted to say some encouraging words. Love can do anything. When you are with your boyfriend, dont think about the next time that you are going to see him. Use that time to enjoy every minute that you have with him and not worry about what is going to happen after that. Enjoy what you can get, because you dont know when the next time could be, so make those minutes worth it.

Good luck, I really hope everything works out. If you ever want to chat, please message me.

Posted at 4:14 pm on July 3, 2008

I can't really tell you that I know how exactly how you feel, because I don't.  I also know that I've not been here as long as you have been but I will try my best to help you in any way that I possibly can.  I know what it feels like to be in a relationship that has lasted a really long time.  

Actually, me and my boyfriend had been going out for just as long as you can when he also went away for the summer last year.  He left for two months.  I was in the same boat as you are now and I really felt that there was nothing I can do to stop the tears from flowing down my face every second of the day - even before he left.  So, I would just like to let you know that if you ever need someone to talk to about this - someone who can relate to your situation - I'm always here.  Just send me a private message and I'll reply as soon as I can.

Long-distance relationships are always tough, especially during our teenage years.  I just want to congratulate you on lasting this long even with having to deal with a long-distance relationship.  You may not realize it, but that's a true accomplishment in itself.  Many people cannot even hold a relationship for over a month - even if it's not long-distance.  You should feel very proud of yourself.  This should tell you that obviously you and your boyfriend have something really special.  Whatever you do, don't give up on it.  Relationships like yours don't come around too often and it's just a total shame when they end over stupid, little things.

What you have with your boyfriend is something that many, many people can only wish that they'll get to experience.  Many people will never experience the type of love that you and your boyfriend share.  You are definitely considered one of the lucky ones to find a relationship like the one you've found, especially at such a young age.  It is obvious that you both love each other very much, so don't give up on it honey.  No matter how hard things get, you can't give up.  What you two share is something truly special and it would be a shame to let it go to waste.

I understand that you guys won't be talking for three months.  I know that it seems like a really long time and I know that you are absolutely terrified about it.  Please don't be.  Don't be terrified at the thought of you guys not making it.  Try to think as positively as you can.  That's the only way that you'll get through this tough time.  

What you guys are doing now, in regards to the fighting, is something extremely common.  You guys want to see each other so much and it just kills you both that you guys can't.  What is probably the most bothersome is the fact that you can't control this - neither of you have any control of what is happening and it just sucks.  I know what you mean when you say that you can't even have a phone conversation with him without it ending in tears or a huge row.  I completely understand where you're coming from when you say that because I've been there and I know exactly how you feel.

You guys obviously care about each other so much and are absolutely terrified of losing one another.  It's a very common fear - especially for long-distance relationships.  But, you've made it work this long and it's been a huge success.  Honey, like I said before, you guys have something that is truly special.  I know it's going to be really hard this summer.  I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that it's going to be as easy as pie because that would be an absolute lie.  

The days before my boyfriend left, we got into fights in every phone call that we had.  It was about really stupid things - but they were still fights.  I mean, we were fighting with each other because we weren't going to get to talk or see each other in two months.  It was a really hard thing for both of us to go through and I could just imagine what you two are going through.  But, one thing I learned was that you can't change it.  There's nothing you can do to change what's happening.  The most important (and the hardest) lesson that I had to learn was to accept things as they were instead of trying to change them because some things are just out of my control.  It was really hard for me to accept the fact that there were some things that were just out of my control.

I know exactly how you're feeling now and I know it's a really crappy feeling.  I am not sure when your boyfriend is leaving, but the best advice I can give you is to enjoy the time you guys have left together before he leaves.  I know it may be really hard to do because in the back of your mind you'll know that he will be leaving really soon.  But, you need to.  You need to spend as much time as you can talking with him before he leaves - without fighting or crying.  Trust me, it will only make matters worse.  Try and focus on being happy with each other for now.  

I know you really hate the idea of 'not knowing' but you have to understand that no one knows what's going to happen in life.  No one knows if they're going to die tomorrow.  This is why you have to live each day like it was your last.  Don't always focus on the negative things in life because that will only make you miserable.  Try focusing on the positive things in life and think about all of the happy times in your relationship - I'm sure you have loads of happy memories.

As for the self-harm - you probably know better than I do that self-harm is not the way to solve your problems.  I know that I am not in your situation right now and I don't know how you're feeling at this particular moment, but what I can tell you is that things will get better.  Self-harm will only make matters worse, trust me.  I've seen the results of what self-harm can do to a person and it's just absolutely horrible.  You have something so special with your boyfriend, honey!  

I know you may feel that there is no other way to handle this but you have to believe that there are.  I know it seems like the absolute end of the world now - as if nothing else could possibly make your life worse than it already it.  I truly understand that.  I know this is also very overwhelming for you.  But, the fact that you see a problem is a great first step in solving the problem.

I know you're a moderator here and have been here for a while, but I'll send you a couple of links anyways - just for easy access if you ever want to read up on anything that could possibly help:

Guide to Self-Harm

Self-Injury and Getting Help

Help with Self-Harm

Self-Harm Information

153 Things to Do Instead of Self-Harm

Hey, I have an idea!  Why don't you do something for your boyfriend while he is away?!  I just remembered that when my boyfriend left last summer, we promised each other that we would keep a journal.  So, we both bought a notebook and we would write a page or so every day that he was away.  We would write about what we did that day, how we felt that day and how much we missed each other.  When he came back, we swapped notebooks and enjoyed reading them.  It was a really great way to help keep my mind off of the fact that he was away.  I don't know if that will be any help to you, but it was for us.

Or, if you are creative, you can make a scrapbook of the two of you or something.  Doing something creative is a great help to get your mind off of the fact that he isn't there.  I know it might sound dumb but trust me, it works.  I also found that doing outdoor activities such as bike riding, roller blading, hiking, etc., were really great ideas to help get my mind off of things.  It really helped me a lot during those two months - and by the time he got back, I was in really great shape!  Hehe.  Anyway, hobbies are a great way to help get your mind off of things that are bothering you.

God, I went on forever.  I really didn't mean to - honest!  I really hope I've helped you in any way that I could.  Remember, my offer still stands - I've been in your situation, I know what you're going through so I'm always here to help if you ever need it.  I know you're going through a really rough time right now.  Just remember that things will get better, I promise!  You really have to understand that you are such a very lucky person.  What you and your boyfriend share is something truly amazing and extremely rare.  You should feel very special that you've found such an amazing relationship, especially at such a young age.  It's very obvious that you guys love each other and care for each other dearly.  This is why I am stressing the fact that you can't give up on this!  You just can't give up, honey!  

I wish you the best of luck!  Remember to keep your chin up!

~ Sabrina

Posted at 3:32 pm on July 3, 2008