Well lately my life has been very hectic, as in i found out a ton about myself this year and i feel very overwhelmed. I don't quite know what im expecting or if im even asking anything so i guess I'll just tell you everything that has happened.

Well it all started at the end of the summer of 2007. I discovered I was at least Bi-sexual, I wanted to tell someone so i told two close friends. One of them was totally fine with it (turns out he's bi as well) but the other one went completely homophobic on me, to prove so I shall quote him in saying "I'm never gonna look at Patrick (me) the same again". So eventually school started but that kid went to the technical school across the street. However he began telling people over there i was gay (even though i said bi). Eventually it got back to my friends here but  me and my other friend denied the whole thing so it was cool.

Then my personality got even more confusing. I began to cross dress in private and begin to think that maybe on the inside i am a woman, I seriously considered this idea and consider it to be a large possibility right now. Eventually i started dating some girl for about 2 months. But she turned out to be a little much, she would not let go of her past boyfriend and took everything to fast and too seriously, and as time went on i began to see that i did not see my own perception of beauty in her. She was pretty and nice enough but i did not see my own image of inner or outer beauty in her. So i planned to break up with her but one of my friends ended up telling her before i could and she went home from school crying. Went i got home we texted a little and she was very mad saying that I didn't take long to think it through or give her enough time to let her change herself. I knew that i should at least talk to her so i tried calling but she wouldn't pick up so i left a voice mail message explaining everything and saying i was sorry. However i am a little worried she will do something extreme seeing as how she cuts herself and seems to hate herself.

But besides that situation i also seem to be not liking myself either. Throughout school i get crap from everyone about my looks and how im always so quiet and it's starting to take a tole on me. Now i hate seeing myself in the mirror because of my hair. I have a style where on said is short, one is long and i sometimes have to back in a ponytail but now i can't stand it so i have to wait for the other side to grow out so i can even it out. My mind is a complete mess and i don't know who i am or what to do. My grades have also fallen and im threatened with summer school, i also lost all my friends. Any advice?

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"If evil can't take a day off, neither can I" - Bob Marley

There are just times in life where you get tossed a heavy load.  I suggest you prioritize your grades and whatnot.  I hope you can take one thing from this and think to yourself, are some of those people really worth it?