An Irishman, an Englishman, A Scotsman and a Welshman are on an airplane together. The pilot bursts into the room and tells them that the plane is lowering and that somebody must jump off the plane to even out the weight of the plane.

The Welshman stands up and shouts,
"This is for the glory of Wales," and he jumps off.

A little later, the pilot says that another person must make the plunge. With that, the Scotsman steps up and shouts,
"This is for the glory of Scotland," and he jumps off as well.

A little later, the pilot says that one more person must jump. Seizing the moment to do the honourable thing, the Irishman stands up and shouts,
"This is for the glory of Ireland," then he picks up the Englishman and throws him out of the plane.

No offense to any English readers, by the way! I won't object to a friendly joke about us Irish.

Another one,

The Pope, a schoolboy, George Bush (jr.) and Bill Gates are on an airplane together. The pilot runs into the room and informs them that the plane is going to crash and that there's only enough parachutes for 4: the pilot and three of the remaining 4.

The pilot grabs a parachute and jumps, leaving the rest on their own. Bill Gates says,
"I'm the smartest man alive, I've got to live," and he grabs a parachute and jumps off. George Bush says, "I'm the president of the United States, I've got to live," and he does the same.

The Pope turns to the schoolboy and says,
"I'm old, and have lived my life. You can take my parachutes..."
"It's OK Mr. Pope, there's still one parachute left: The president took my schoolbag by mistake!"

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"If you smile at me, I will understand, because that is something
Everybody everywhere does in the same language" - David Crosby

useless kiss-up spam...

...hehe(j/k)....

Once, in a jungle, there lived a chimp. One day, to make the process of eating more convenient, he invented a couple of tools - One was a stick that was sharpened at the end; this he called his one-point tool. The other was a stick with 4 smaller sharpened sticks attached to the end to form a prong; he called this one his 4-point tool.

Delighted with his tools, the chimp set about using them. He used his one-point tool to spear his food and his 4-point tool to place it into his mouth.

One morning, the chimp woke up, and his 4-point tool was missing. He went off in search of it around the jungle, and it wasn't long before he bumped into the lion.

"Oh, lion," says the chimp, "Have you seen my 4-point tool?"
"No," says the lion, "I haven't."

Next, the chimp bumps into the gorilla.

"Oh, gorilla," says the chimp, "Have you seen my 4-point tool?"
"No," says the gorilla, "I haven't."

After that, the chimp meets the jaguar.

"Oh, jaguar," says the chimp, "Have you seen my 4-point tool?"
"Yes, I have," says the jaguar, "I've eaten it."
"Why did you do that?" asks the chimp.
"Can't you see?" says the jaguar, "I'm a 4-point tool-eating jag."

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"If you smile at me, I will understand, because that is something
Everybody everywhere does in the same language" - David Crosby

i love the jokes!

wheres dexus!

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X..When Everything Is Wrong,We Move Along,Even When Your Hope Is Gone,
Move Along Just To Make It Through...X

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where have the jokes gone??

i love the jokes!

wheres dexus!

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Dexus disappeared due to unforeseeable depressing events, which he is still regrettably going through. But has decided to come back and give LiveWire another go. He may or may not continue his joke thread he is undecided at this moment.
Keep your fingers crossed  

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LOL 1
LOL 2
Dating is just like prostitution,
You just don't always get what you paid for.

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Sorry about the little error above. Here's the joke that was meant to come out:

Once, in a jungle, there lived a chimp. One day, to make the process of eating more convenient, he invented a couple of tools - One was a stick that was sharpened at the end; this he called his one-point tool. The other was a stick with 4 smaller sharpened sticks attached to the end to form a prong; he called this one his 4-point tool.  

Delighted with his tools, the chimp set about using them. He used his one-point tool to spear his food and his 4-point tool to place it into his mouth.

One morning, the chimp woke up, and his 4-point tool was missing. He went off in search of it around the jungle, and it wasn't long before he bumped into the lion.

"Oh, lion," says the chimp, "Have you seen my 4-point tool?"
"No," says the lion, "I haven't."

Next, the chimp bumps into the gorilla.

"Oh, gorilla," says the chimp, "Have you seen my 4-point tool?"
"No," says the gorilla, "I haven't."

After that, the chimp meets the jaguar.

"Oh, jaguar," says the chimp, "Have you seen my 4-point tool?"
"Yes, I have," says the jaguar, "I've eaten it."
"Why did you do that?" asks the chimp.
"Can't you see?" says the jaguar, "I'm a 4-point tool-eating jag."

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ha nice

What's yellow and invisible?

No bananas!!

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Twistin' ma melon maan!

A: Because parrot's eat 'em all.

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"If you smile at me, I will understand, because that is something
Everybody everywhere does in the same language" - David Crosby