It's all because I want the feeling of being relaxed and so I'll forget my problems at least for an instant... but then I'm afraid I'm going to be a bad example for my future children or my friends.
I've done some research about drugs but I think I'm a pretty strong guy and I don't have an addictive personality.
I'm crazy about knowing the feeling drugs other than marijuana would give me, but then I'm afraid that I won't be what people expect me to be... a person i know (not saying any names) tried marijuana once and never did it again...well I was thinking that I could do the same.
I feel like changing totally, I feel like doing whatever I feel would make me progress physically and mentally.
There is something else though, I would love it if I got treated as good as a person who just had an accident would, I would like the feeling of people being there for me... I just wanna feel right. I always picture the future as if I already did some of the things I wanted to do and it seems ok and I'm a bit confused...
There was this time when I felt as if my body shut down, it was like out of fatigue, weakness but overall stress... I felt like people were giving me more affection and showing me they cared... I would love to go back to 2006 when I was 16 and that happened.
I want to get everything out and change right now... I know it doesn't happen immediately but I would like some detailed advice..
There is a thing that would make me get rid of all this sadness but it won't happen until years from now... and I've said it too many times on lw, I don't know if you all wanna hear it again...
I feel like I'm getting sadder and sadder everytime... I'm pretty good at hiding it.
I'm always thinking that I'm going to use drugs responsibly and have nice highs and everything would be fixed... I would like to experiment, (That's the word I was looking for)...
This is be really crazy but let me tell you the whole story:
One of my favorite singers had a humiliating presentation in 1988, because the people who were in charge of the concert turned of the lights and sound so he was pretty much standing in front of a crowd that went to a concert that had to be canceled due to severe weather... ok then he went back to his hotel and he had a terrible fight with his wife... he got tired of it and jumped from the 9th floor of that hotel but landed on the left side of his face and he hit the ceiling of a kitchen that was in his way... so he survived his suicide attempt... then after that everyone gave him attention and there were concerts that he still made.
He had AIDS and everyone showed how much they cared but then at the end in 1993 before he died everybody had left him alone... well the point of the whole story is that I have thought about what it would be like if that happened to me, but not in 1988 of course...
I know this was a long post and I want to thank everyone who was kind enough to understand and read all through this.
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