Also:

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I don't think I can cope with the night scene anymore - slutty girls, sex, drugs, cigarettes, drink, swearing, fights, etc. It weighs heavy on my heart now. I thought about giving up alcohol for good.

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This contradicts your last topic : drinking, fighting, fucking, etc.

I don't think you know what it is you want, tbh. Sometimes you fancy giving up the alcohol, hitting on random girls and all the nights out. And then you want it all - the fighting and glory, girls and sex and alcohol. I don't care if you don't know what you want - it's ok and NOT a big deal that you don't know. But I'm not sure what people can say to help you if you're constantly changing your ideas and whatnot. I can give advice on how to give up the alcohol - I have done before, but it means nothing if you ignore it, y'know? I can write pages and pages helping you with Catherine - I have done before - but it doesn't mean anything if in your heart of hearts you know you're going to keep trying with her. Stuff like that.

As I said, it doesn't matter if you're not quite sure of who you are just yet. That's perfectly fine and natural. I'm just not sure what you're wanting people to say to you anymore.

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you gotta keep dreaming in the bed you made
and if it tastes like shit
well, it beats sleeping rough on the floor