We spent the entire year counting the days until we would go. Then I was hospitalized and my trip got canceled... and she ended up being able to go three months early (right after we'd gotten in a huge fight). She's there right now and having the time of her life, and god... it's crazy how jealous I am. I saw a video of her at a concert with Teddy Geiger and Metro Station... and I cannot listen to those artists anymore. Seriously, I can't bear it. I HAVE to skip them every time they come up on shuffle. I can't talk to her because I know she's there and I'm not.

I even told her a bit about this and she's really cool about it. She told me when I ask whats up she won't even answer really, just say "it's all good" or whatever. She won't go into anything she's doing there. But I still find it impossible... and god, so painful.

So my question is... am I a bad person? It's just I feel like I deserve it so much more than she does, and on top of that she gets to go for an extra three months while I'm hospitalized for being depressed... when the main thing that LIFTS my depression is going to the states. Or is my jealousy justified?

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you're just weird

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That wasn't exactly my question. Can you elaborate a bit?

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No, definitely not a bad person. I think you just had your hopes up so much to go on the trip, and you were crushed that you couldn't go. It's not wrong that you're jealous; it's only human to be so.

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Literally my entire life was revolved around this trip. Heck, when I found out I couldn't go, I had to go to the hospital again I was so suicidal. Haha. Anyway, thanks. :)

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THERE IS NO POINT IN BEING JEALOUS. number one you are gonna go to israel eventually and have the best time of your life and secondly and there are way better bands than metro station. go see paramore or something. go to warped tour. there is like 60 bands playing at once. thats no reason for u to be depressed. i should be depressed i get pimples and they are nasty

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Wow, read the post. And don't make assumptions.

1. I live in Israel. The post was about visiting AMERICA, where I used to live.

2. I was supposed to go to Warped and see both Paramore and Metro Station at the same time. But I can't. This isn't why I'm depressed though. I'm depressed because I miss America more than anything else in this fucking world. My friends are there, my family's there, my home is there. It has nothing to do with the music.

3. I have clinical depression. It's not exactly a matter of saying "Don't be depressed."

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It's normal to feel a little bit jealous. Think of the obvious, technically she did get to do something you were dying to do. Don't feel like a terrible person. As long as you don't treat her any different because of your jealousy you're fine.

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But I am treating her different. =/ I can't help it. There are other reasons, mostly about her being a complete fake, but it all has to do with America here.

Example -- she won't wear JEANS here because she claims she's religious. Then she goes to America and walks around in a bikini all day. Which I know shouldn't affect me but well... it's a different story. There's a long history.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I do treat her differently. I'm finding it hard to be her friend. =/

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Quote: from Natsy at 9:34 pm on July 15, 2008

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you're just weird

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That wasn't exactly my question. Can you elaborate a bit?

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there's no reason to get jealous. you flew into a jealous rage, which is why i said you're weird

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I can beat up the demons until the cows come home... then I can beat up the
cows.

And really, you have every right to be jealous. You were looking forward to go, and I know how much you would look forward to something like that. Now she's doing what you want and she's having a great time and you're not and so of course you're jealous. It's only natural.

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Faith is a cop-out. If the only way you can accept
an assertion is by faith, then you are conceding that
it can't be taken on its own merits.
~Dan Barker

Just don't let it eat you up inside.

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Don't forget to be the way you are.