i can't let go -- LiveWire Teen Forums

i can't fucking let go of this bullshit situation i'm in. i keep letting myself be dragged back into it... i just can't really get over it... but i don't want to. it's been so long. i just keep getting hurt/hurting myself over and over again. it just isn't right that something so right can never be, because she's too afraid of it all. she's too afraid, because she said she'd fall in love with me. bvuczxuh;xvchzk;cjxhvzxkcjhvzxcv. back in june, it was a completely different story. apparently she was in love with me then, according to her, and then she just... up and vanished, like she normally does... and i'm such an idiot for still letting myself fall back into this loop. am i just that fucking desperate for attention? i love her, i really do, but there's nothing i can do about it. i don't get why she's still so afraid, and still keeps pushing me away... yet she always comes back. i just want her to stay, for once... and surprise me, for once... and just actually be big enough and confront this... but she won't. she just shuts everything out, and won't ever let herself get hurt by anything, even if it means hurting herself in the process, but you wouldn't ever know it. no matter what i say, i feel as if i can never get through to her. i'm so fucking stupid. this is all i ever think about... is her... and there's nothing i'll ever be able to do about it because she won't ever give me a chance. how can you tell me you love me, and are in love with me, and i'm the only person you've ever loved, and just keep shutting me out when i get too close? all this ever brings is heartache, but i can't let go... and i don't know if i ever will, really. it's been four years.

it's depressing me so fucking much. i can't escape it, no matter where i go, or what i do. i've been such an idiot, really. i thought she had cut me out completely of her life, and just told me that i should just move on, and forget about her. i didn't really react at all until i was outside walking. i just kept walking fast... until i got to the water. never had i ever felt that serious about anything. i was so calm, yet so sure... but, then it just hit me, really. i had never felt so lonely in my life. even now, how i feel pales in comparison to how i felt on that night... but sure enough, she came back. she told me she missed me. i can't fucking deal with this. it isn't fair. how is she going to act like she even cares about me, yet won't ever really have anything to do with me? this isn't fair. you can't say that, you can't. especially if i can't say it, because you'll just run.

FUCKKKK.

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