So basically, my parents abandoned me when I was young. My dad left me when I was six and ran to Virginia and didn't try to contact me for three years, around the same time my mom left me for her abusive boyfriend. So I have major trust issues and abandonment issues. I've gone through episodes of depression for 6 years. I've contemplated and have attempted suicide. And I do self harm. I cut and occasionally burn myself.

So back in April of this year, I was struggling with my sexuality. It's not acceptable in my family so I was really confused. But my friends were really supportive. I've been keeping this a secret from my family that I'm bi. They already treat me like shit and they think I'm mental and bipolar.

Second part of the story happened in May. Everything was fine, I started to feel better. But my life started falling apart. One of my best friends just stopped talking to me. And it killed me. The cuts were getting deeper and more frequent. I went to a teacher that I trusted and loved. And she talked to for a bit and then took me to the school's social worker, who did a suicide assessment on me. I told two friends of mine, and they tried to tell the other friend to talk to me. That I was hurting and I needed her more then ever. She was being stubborn. We eventually made up which helped me out a lot.

And now it's July. And I'm not talking to my dad. A repeat of last summer. He's lied to me for seven months about being clean from cocaine. He has a liver problem. And I just don't care. I actually hate this man. He's hurt me so much, and I don't know what to do anymore.

I guess, I'm not really looking for an answer or anything. I just needed a way to express these feelings. My friends are trying really hard to support me and help me quit hurting myself.

But I have one thing to say to you... I may not be able to make it go away, but you've made it this far.  Do you realize how much strength that shows you have?  And that being said, you're still going.  Respect that in yourself, that's something you should be proud of, and you should never give up on.

The best you can do is live with what you're given, and instead of letting these things kick you down, let them give you experience and knowledge.  Let them make YOU the better person, and let them show your strength and prove it to yourself.

Your life is something that you control, but sometomes our emotions take the better of us.  It's natural, and sometimes you just need someone to turn to.  You are very lucky to have some friends that are really supportive of you.  Sometimes friends come and go, but there are some friends that will stick by you forever, and even if they don't say anything, you'll always know that they're there.

You're still hanging in there, right?  So much has happened, and yet you're still here...  Why is that?  Is it because you have great, supportive friends?  Is it because you have the strength to keep going?  Is it because you're determined to make something of yourself and create a happy life?  Is it all of those things?  Whatever it is, keep using it.  Hurting yourself... the one thing I learned about hurting myself, mentally and physically... was that it hurt the people that cared about me more.

When I was in a depressive state, I hated myself more than anyone.  I could cut myself and tell myself I deserved it... and I could tell myself horrible things about me, and believe it to be true.  But I suppose one friend of mine truly made me realize that these things can actually hurt OTHERS more than myself.  Your friends just want to see you happy, and that's why they are trying their best to help you cope with your emotions :).

I wish I could help you, it all falls on your shoulders.  You may not have much of a choice as to where your life is going NOW, but with time, you'll be in control.  You can chose how you want to live your life, and live without the fear of being judged and hurt by those around you.  Give it time, stick with it, and maybe then you will find your reason to stop hurting yourself ;).