If i let him grow up thinking his dad died or something and one day he found out what happened it would crush his dreams of the perfect father that he never met.
And what do i tell him when he asks questions like "did my dad play basketball"

opinions please!!

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howw well did you know his dad

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"Your father wasn't a good person, he did terrible things, and he made me very sad, but he also gave me a very special gift:  You."

So far, that's been enough for her.  I'm sure she'll want more information eventually, and I'll give her the whole truth as she asks for it, as I know that I would have needed to know.

I'm hoping that since I'm letting her know from the very beginning that she was a dream sprung from a nightmare and that I would never undo what was done just because of her, that she'll be alright with it once she finally knows the whole story.

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I am not procrastinating.  I am multislacking.

Children will often only ask simple questions that only need simple answers. You don't need to go into the complexities of rape and why it happened, you can simply suffice with "Daddy's not here" or "God thought you only needed a Mum." or "Your Daddy wasn't ready/able to be a Daddy."

If your child doesn't ask, don't bring it up. Perhaps much later in life, if they absolutely want to know, you can tell them. But I wouldn't lie to them in the meantime. Simply answer the question as it is and leave it at that.

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Holly.
Mama to Hunter Kai.
[ myspace | my lj ]

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You should never lie to your children. Lies eventually come out and it makes them lose trust in you in all ways, sometimes in ways that you can never recover from.  

Children will often only ask simple questions that only need simple answers. You don't need to go into the complexities of rape and why it happened, you can simply suffice with "Daddy's not here" or "God thought you only needed a Mum." or "Your Daddy wasn't ready/able to be a Daddy."  

If your child doesn't ask, don't bring it up. Perhaps much later in life, if they absolutely want to know, you can tell them. But I wouldn't lie to them in the meantime. Simply answer the question as it is and leave it at that.

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Completely Agree!

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Well, I can tell you what I ended up telling my daughter. Her father wasn't a rapist, but I left him for generally being a horrible person (violent, mean spirited, purposefully got me pregnant to trap me, abusive towards me and his other children, etc).

"Your father wasn't a good person, he did terrible things, and he made me very sad, but he also gave me a very special gift: You."

So far, that's been enough for her. I'm sure she'll want more information eventually, and I'll give her the whole truth as she asks for it, as I know that I would have needed to know.

I'm hoping that since I'm letting her know from the very beginning that she was a dream sprung from a nightmare and that I would never undo what was done just because of her, that she'll be alright with it once she finally knows the whole story.

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This would be a good way to tell him

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♥Daddys Little Girl♥