Hey, First of all, if you are really feeling suicidal you should talk to someone. Anyone and everyone. Consider calling a hotline or talking to a counselor or your parents or another adult you trust. This is very important. Do not allow these feelings to overwhelm you.
Second of all, People say terrible things to the people they care about, its a fact of life. I am so sorry this happened to you, but you have to move past it. Decide if you want to continue talking to him right now. If not, try giving yourself some space to think about things and decide what you want to do. If you do want to forgive him, do that and let it go. Do not let this be what you bring up all the time that hurts him deeply.
you need to face the reality of the fact that this relationship may be over. You need to feel comfortable with yourself and move on and try to remember what it was like before. Remember the relationship fondly for what it gave you but dont dwell on it.
Do you have other friends you can hang out with? Try going out, forgetting about all of this for a while and letting your hair down. have some fun and spend time with other people.
Good luck I hope things get better.
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Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair,
gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your
inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet
spirit which is of great worth in God's sight